Top 10 Things I Never Thought I’d Say…And Then I Had Boys

boy mom

There’s never a dull moment in my life with all boys in the house. I catch myself saying things I NEVER thought I’d hear coming from my mouth, and never expected would be necessary to have to tell kids in general…and then I had boys! Now I found myself saying ridiculous things that are absolutely necessary for my kids’ safety, hygiene and general cleanliness of my house.

Top 10 things I never thought I’d say…

10. “Why is there pee on the wall?”

I deal with more bodily fluids on a daily basis than I ever expected, but why on earth is it so dang impossible for a boy to aim when they pee?

9. “Do not pick up your brother by his head.”

Poor little brother is so loved, his older brother just wants to love on him and hold him all day long, but we’ve not yet mastered the proper way to hold a baby. Lord help us!

8. “Bring me that booger”

First of all, not in a million years did I ever think I’d request another person’s booger to be handed over to me. But, this particular demand was proceed by my child FLICKING it to me across the room. Which then seemed to fall in slow motion into the Abyss of carpet. Which leads me to…

7. “The carpet is not your tissue.”

I have actually witnessed my son on his knees rubbing his nose across the carpet. (Dear Husband, we need new carpet ASAP!)

6. “Stop touching your penis.”

What is the fascination? I’m out numbered in my house 4 to 1. I may never have this one figured out.

5. “I’m sorry I made your bed. I’ll help you rebuild your nest.”

My oldest went through a nesting period. That’s right. Nesting. Not the sweet mom to-be getting ready for baby type but actual bird nesting. But for the love of my sanity, please stop crying about this nest!

4. “Do not lick that.”

My middle child, God bless him. To date, he’s licked my face, the bottom of his foot, public handrails, walls, restaurant tables, and everything in between. My goodness, the kid licks everything!

3. “It’s not polite to tell me the details of what your poop looks like.”

Which, by the way, has been a dinosaur, a horse and a bird (with sound effects).

2. “Get your face out of the potty.”

Lots of conversations these days involve the toilet. I’ve had to really get a handle on my former mom germ phobia.

1. “Get that fly out of your mouth.”

I swear I feed my kids. Three times a day even. So, why my son decided to stick a dead fly in his mouth, I’ll never know.

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