Vanessa wrote about the pressure to provide Caroline with a sibling last year. She titled her post the same way I react when someone asks me when I’m going to have another baby. Seriously?!
Lucy will be an only child and I’m not apologetic about that.
Having just spent some time with my Reno friends’ new babies, I thought I would get the pangs moms of older kids are supposed to get. But the desire to have another baby just isn’t there for me. I get a lot of flack for this. I know a lot of couples with kids Lucy’s age or even younger who are already pregnant with their next child.
I think they are insane!
Parents of 2-under-2 look even more exhausted than I did when I was still going through Lucy’s never-ending “Sleep is for Suckers” campaign. Maybe it’s because I still feel the effects of PPD {more like PTSD} that I suffered from those first several months. Maybe it’s because the baby weight is still lingering. Maybe it’s the rational thought-processes brought on by my steady diet of anti-depressants.
Or maybe it’s because I just want one child.
I hear all the arguments: Only children are spoiled. I think there’s a pretty good chance a sibling would be spoiled, too. She’ll have the burden to shoulder when you need taken care of. Isn’t one person to take care of us better than no one to take care of us? A sibling will teach her to share and play nice. So does preschool. Who will she play with on Saturday mornings? You mean who else will stare at her while she zones out on cartoons? What if something happens to her? (Actual reason given to me by my own mother about why she had me.) Isn’t the sick-with-worry worse if you have two children? She’s such a great kid, wouldn’t you love to have another great kid? You know what happens to great kids when they become the big brother or big sister? They turn into a**holes. I’ve seen it first-hand.
There are a lot of misconceptions about only children. However, according to a study conducted by UT-Austin professors, no one has published research that can demonstrate any truth behind the stereotype of the only child as lonely, selfish and maladjusted. (Read more: http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2002530,00.html#ixzz2eAKXhsEz)
I know I sound pretty defensive about this. But I get really annoyed by the series of “Whens” you get asked repeatedly when you reach a certain point in life. You know how it is: you start dating someone and it’s “When is he going to pop the question?” You get engaged: “When’s the wedding?” You get married: “When are you going to have a baby?” You have a baby: “When are you going to have another one?” It never ends! It’s always bothered me that these are “when” questions and not “if” questions. I shouldn’t have to be so defensive about a pretty major decision, right?
“They” say you forget the bad times. I call bullsh@#. I can still remember every single sleepless night, every failed attempt at breastfeeding, every daily “happy hour” where she cried non-stop from 5-7 pm, every poo-splatter on a white canvas Pavlik harness, every freakout when the abduction brace came on, every hip ultrasound and x-ray, every time I was made to feel inept by doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, daycare workers who led me to believe I wasn’t trying hard enough…it was too much for me to take. The thought of doing it all again makes me panic in the worst way.
Three-and-a-half-years in, I’m obviously not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that those first few months of motherhood sucked horribly for me. But yes, the payoff is the most amazing little girl I could ever dream of having! She’s so smart and funny and beautiful and my most favorite person in the world to be around. I love taking her to the park and watching her run and climb. We do whatever she wants to do, as long as it’s outdoors. I don’t fear that all our focus on her will lead her to be some kind of spoiled brat. As long she’s taught to think and to love and to share, she’ll continue to be amazing.
Lest you think this is a single-minded, mom-only decision, I asked Todd what his thoughts are about another kid. His response: “Another one? Seriously? One is hard enough. *insert Lucy screaming for her toothpaste* I think we’re good, honey.” Then he muttered something under his breath about me being crazy and how life was easier with no kids.
I just turned 37. Don’t give me that crap about how I’m not too old. I’m old enough to where my ovaries could drop eggs like crazy and what’s worse than having another child? TWINS.
I can’t be the only mom in Austin who’s content with just one kid. Who’s with me?
I’m pregnant with my first and already being told about how number 2 will be. ummm….
I could have written this almost word-for-word. My daughter, my one and only, is almost seven. I still hyperventilate when I hear a newborn cry.
I tell people that “I have the one I want.” Or, if we’re close and Miss Daughter is not around, I say “I know better, and besides, I have a natural immunity to baby fever.”
Be kind to yourself. It gets easier. It gets better.
I always joke that I have 1.5 kids. I have a stepdaughter who was 12 going on 20 when I came along and my son. As soon as my son was born I knew I didn’t want to have more kids. I had an easy pregnancy and a mellow kid but 1 was enough for me. With work and his school activities and life in general I can barely keep up. I know with more kids I wouldn’t be able to give the attention to the kids or my marriage that both need and deserve. I see my friends with several kids struggling with all these things and while life isn’t always smooth sailing, it’s a smoother ride than most.
My motto was “One and done” after a very hard pregnancy and terrible ppd. Then when my son was almost 13, I became pregnant again. Only to have a miscarriage. I found myself for the first time, wanting another child. 6 more pregnancies and miscarriages over the next three years had me once again convinced that one was all I was supposed to have. Then, just when my family and I were making the move from California to Austin, I got pregnant again. I expected it to end judt as the others had, but I have never been happier to say that I was wrong. I’m sitting here with my 2 week old son and his ilder brother will be 17 soon. So I never had to deal with two little ones fighting, but I got my little number 2. 🙂 But I absolutely understand only wanting one child. But I say, never say never. 🙂