I never in a million years thought that I would be a helicopter mom. In my pre-kid life I was an Academic Advisor at The University of Texas. I advised new college students about which classes to take and often consulted with them about which academic path might suit them best. However, their parents often demanded which path to take or which classes would be best no matter what their kids wanted. And these “kids” were technically adults, at least in regards to age. My fellow advisors and I always commiserated about these too-involved helicopter parents.
Why weren’t these students allowed to make their own life choices and learn from potential mistakes? The whirring of the metaphorical helicopters was deafening.
Despite my knowledge of helicopter parenting and good intentions, it was shocking to find out that I too had become the helicopter mom I had made fun of years prior.
It was at a PTO meeting at the elementary school where I found out the truth. The school counselor was doing a presentation about different types of parents (taken from the Love & Logic book). When she described the three types, I almost fell out of my chair.
I’m pretty sure there was a spotlight right over me when she read the definition, “A helicopter parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live.”
Holy crap. She was talking about me!
I started thinking about just some of the things that I have done for my kids that could be helicopter-ish:
- I may or may not have emailed their teachers or confronted them in person about things that weren’t extremely important. (or it wasn’t in the teacher’s realm of responsibility)
- Instead of making my kids unpack their backpacks, I would do it.
- Wet towels on the floor from bathtime? I would hang them up.
- Clean laundry? I would put it away for them.
It never occurred to me that these seemingly small things could be anything similar to the helicopter parenting I witnessed as an Academic Advisor. But the truth was, it started with these simple things. If I didn’t change my behavior, I’d end up potentially spoon-feeding my adult children.
As the counselor said, “If your kids have the ability to do something, you need to let them do it.” I think that’s the second time I almost fell out of my chair. There were so many times in a given day that I did things for my kids that they had the ability to do themselves. Most of the time it was just faster if I did it for them. Never did I think that I would be hindering them by doing these things for them.
Now I am better armed with information so when my 2nd grader tells me (hopefully not again) that a 4th grader “pushed him against the wall in the hallway” that my response will be more appropriate. I suppose I wasn’t supposed to say, “Tell me who that kid is! Do I need to beat him up for you?” (And yes, I really said that in the heat of the moment. And although tempting, I would not really beat that kid up.)
So, things are a-changing over here. I’m looking forward to arming these kids with the right tools to live happily and successfully and without fully depending on me.
